Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
