I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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