I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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