I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
