So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
