how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
