you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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