i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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