definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
