Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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