Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
