either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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