don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
