So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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