I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They have beer where we have blood.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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