I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this just has baby written all over it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
