either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
