so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just invented taco cereal.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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