Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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