yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
