Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
