i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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