so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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