It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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