Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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