you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
