he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
