woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
