his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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