I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
being pregnant is like rehab
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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