If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
