It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
