Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
