I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so that wasnt chicken after all
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
