put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
COCAINE IS GR8
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
