we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
