I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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