are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
