I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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