Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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