i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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