Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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