you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
