At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
