hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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