I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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