We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
