he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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