Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
