are you so shy because you have an std?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
