I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
