When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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