a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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