I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
